It's been half year since the last time I wrote.
I don't even realize it's been that long. Isn't it funny how I live it day by day but not realizing I've spent half of this year.
Okay, this is what happen.
We've broke up.
Yeah, it's hurt so bad.
I remember when it's happen (just hear/read the song). I just can't understand after so long I've done something bad, when I do something good (at least I think it's good) we just broke up like that.
I've been updating my 'shout' with a lot of quotes that rhyme with how my heart been feeling. I just don't know how many tears I've spent that wont even make you come back with me. My tears just heal my mind for a while and never heal my heart from this pain.
Somehow I know that the fastest way to get over a break up is finding another person to fill this 'emptiness'. But that's not the right way. Everybody know that a shortcut usually make things worse.
I think I know so many things about this 'break up' things. But this still feel so hard to pass through and I just couldn't stand it.
It's silly how my feeling trick me out like this.
Is my mind control me or I'm controlling my mind?
That's not all.
And now since my friends and I not so close anymore, how could my live get any worse?
Of course sum up with my family problem. Whom I should tell all of this?
I do suck at building relationship... It's been proven I think.
With this note, I'm just wanna say that I'm sorry Lord. First of all is to You, because I've been hurting You so many times. And I know that I'm moving away from You, and please believe me that I do want to come back to You although I think I'm not worth to forgive.
Hunie, I'm really-really sorry to you to. There's so many things that I shouldn't do or say to you. And thank you for being so understanding this whole time. You know you're the best, so I really-really hope you'll find a better man. You deserve it.
For all my family, please get away from any trouble. I'm so sorry if I couldn't do much to help all of you (esp. my parents). But believe me that at least I'm staying out of trouble to not make our condition worse. I really do care 'bout all of you, but it's just I can't do much...Sorry
For all of my friends...
I'm so sorry to all of you. I know I've been a jerk, an a*shole this whole time. I'm asking to many from you guys. Though I still feel that you guys not showing that you care about me, but I do care for our relationship for old time sake. I really hope we could hang out together again sometimes. I promise all of you, I'll gaining my guts to tell what's been happening to me all of this time apart from you guys.
And last, for my church.
I don't know is it right or wrong to wrote the 'note'. It's just something I feel back then.
If there's anything bad I say, I'm so sorry. I wrote it based on how I feel before and I'm just trying to be honest about how I'm feeling.
And one thing that you my need to know that I'm losing my comfort being there and I'm afraid that someday I'll just don't want to go there anymore. Though I'm fighting it, it's suck to fighting by myself. If only someone could help me 'down' here...(Yeah you wish....).
My life, my story ( until now at least...)